Esquire - RG & M

It is an Esquire tradition to publish an annual issue devoted to women (even though the magazine's theme is "Man at His Best"). This year's attempt at honoring women, well it hit the newsstands a week or so ago, with Christina Hendricks gracing its cover, exposing her silky, giant breasts.

David Granger wrote in this year's letter to the editor that Esquire loves women, for all the right reasons, and "desperately wanted not to screw up this issue." Dave, I gotta thank ya for trying, but you screwed up. Majorly.

All the big contributing editors at Esquire wrote for the issue - Tom Junod, Cal Fussman. Junod wrote a beautiful portrait of Hilary Clinton (except for a dicey bit that I hated), Fussman pieced together a fabulous Q and A with the kick-ass CEO of Yahoo, Carol Bartz. However, as a woman, I found it incredibly disturbing that a woman did not write a damn thing for the issue devoted to women. Well, you can include Joanna Molloy's story of Andrew Cuomo, and maybe essayist Sloane Crosley's critique of the issue, but that's it. The women we all hail as nearly shattering the glass ceiling was painted as tired, "as if her exhausting engagement with the world has left her permanently post-coital." Hilary got fucked, all right --- by this description.

It's as though Esquire decided to TRY to honor women, and then at the end of the issue, insult them endlessly. I'm not sure what sort of crack the editor, Granger, was smoking when he allowed "The Time-Honored Art of Scoring with Style" section slip into print, but it must have been some good stuff. The captions illustrating the photographs are worthy of mouth-vomit:

Learn as little as possible about a girl. It merely slows down the breakup process.

It's not the size of a woman's boobs that counts. It's the ratio of their size relative to her upper-arm circumference.

The ideal boyfriend is someone who is proficient in listening, communication, and compromise. Be proficient in none of these things.

My personal message to the editor: Try harder. And maybe next time, let a woman peek at your copy before it goes to print, or maybe (gasp!) even hire a woman to write about women.